Phase 4 & 5, From hating it to "Did I do that?"

Detail, I See You Too

Phase "almost done"
I See You Too
30" x 48", acrylic on canvas

I got a lot of painting done today, and moved through

a couple phases. Today one of the phases included

wanting to quit many times. The stage when self-

doubt is greatest, and I have all of the typical self-

dialogue. "I hate this. Why do I make art? Why can't

I actually enjoy math and be an engineer? This music

is annoying. Maybe an engineer would like this music.

Or a lawyer. Lawyers dress so nice, and don't usually

have to worry about getting paint on strange places

of all their pants... Ah, no one is forcing you to paint.

In fact, only a few people would notice if you'd stop.

Jerks. Why wouldn't they notice? Oh yeah, they are

busy being engineers and lawyers."

.

It seems like I am teetering on the edge of completely

destroying it and becoming an engineer (impossible)

or a lawyer (maybe) one minute and then somehow it

forms and I witness it taking on a life of its own. Like

Erkel, I say, "Did I do that?" These are the satisfying

days. Because of course I realize I did do that, and

I know it wasn't as easy as I want it to look.

(A special thank you to the engineers and lawyers. Not

sure why I think about you on days like today, but you

help get me through. I do appreciate what you do, 

especially because I can not do it. We are all in this

 together.)