Phase 4 & 5, From hating it to "Did I do that?"

Detail, I See You Too

Phase "almost done"
I See You Too
30" x 48", acrylic on canvas

I got a lot of painting done today, and moved through
a couple phases. Today one of the phases included
wanting to quit many times. The stage when self-
doubt is greatest, and I have all of the typical self-
dialogue. "I hate this. Why do I make art? Why can't
I actually enjoy math and be an engineer? This music
is annoying. Maybe an engineer would like this music.
Or a lawyer. Lawyers dress so nice, and don't usually
have to worry about getting paint on strange places
of all their pants... Ah, no one is forcing you to paint.
In fact, only a few people would notice if you'd stop.
Jerks. Why wouldn't they notice? Oh yeah, they are
busy being engineers and lawyers."
It seems like I am teetering on the edge of completely
destroying it and becoming an engineer (impossible)
or a lawyer (maybe) one minute and then somehow it
forms and I witness it taking on a life of its own. Like
Erkel, I say, "Did I do that?" These are the satisfying
days. Because of course I realize I did do that, and
I know it wasn't as easy as I want it to look.

(A special thank you to the engineers and lawyers. Not
sure why I think about you on days like today, but you
help get me through. I do appreciate what you do, 
especially because I can not do it. We are all in this

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